|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on July 1, 2013 at 9:35 AM||comments (2)|
Dear Support System,
Since I began to use social media approximately ten years ago I have, to some degree, been wrestling with social media; the ever increasing intrusion upon my time vs. the ability to make myself more accessible as an artist. Social media has altered the ways in which we introduce ourselves to and communicate with one another and while I thoroughly enjoy the connectivity and am a fan of technology, I am also an uber-introvert who enjoys to hide in plain sight. As a result of this conflict I consider deleting all of my social media accounts at least once monthly, but end up deciding not to out of fear that I will somehow lose the connections that I have established with you because I care about your sauce. This fear has resulted in me being half present and thus slowing disintegrating those connections while working to hold onto them. Over the past week I have seen with great clarity just how foolish this “fear” is and have decided to take a hiatus from social media.
My gratitude for your supporting presence throughout the years requires me to make you aware of this hiatus. I am essentially taking a step back in order to take steps forward and while I know that statement is extremely vague, you’re just gonna have to trust me.
Slangston Hughes (@griotslang) recently used the imagery of "putting together a car while you're driving it" in an unrelated conversation with myself and several others. Kane Mayfield (@KaneMayfield) recently told me "the strength and weakness of twitter is its ability to disseminate information rapidly." Both of these statements assisted me in making this decision to step away from social media, reevaluate why I am using each of these sites and to discover if the purpose I want them to serve in the grand schematic of my life is indeed the purpose they are serving. You may be thinking "but 13, why don't you just do that while still plugged in?" And the answer is because I suck at multitasking and in spite of what wonders it has worked in the lives of others I am a "mad efficient single tasker" yo.
The analyst in me has considered what I imagine to be the best and worst possible outcomes of this hiatus. At best I will return to find that my amount of follows/likes have exponentially increased and everyone has been waiting to see what "wisdoms" I will have to share from my journey up into yonder mountain far away from this 41 megapixel hyperconnected civilization. At worst I will return to find that my amount of follows/likes have reduced to zero and everyone was just waiting for me to look away long enough so they escape from what they deem to be prison of connection without hurting my feelings…
(if you're not laughing it is because that last statement was funnier in my head…)
(and if you're still not laughing, it is good that I have no desire to be a comedian and I should probably just move on to some other point…)
(and this is me moving on…still not funny…ok *shrug* I thought it was funny)
In all seriousness, for those who care, my hiatus will last for the month of July. By the time you read this letter the app for every social media site to which I am connected will be deleted from my phone and the notifications will be turned off so responding to this wherever you reading it will not reach me until August.
I, however, am still a performing/graphic artist so I will not be inaccessible, I just won't be connected to social media. If you need to reach me for booking/hiring/info on upcoming shows/comments/hey man are you crazy questions/etc and do not have my contact info you can find it at the end of this letter.
so what have we learned today
I single task. (mad efficiently)
I am funnier in my head.
I care about your sauce. (inside joke)
I build cars while driving them.
I take hiati. (what I think the plural of "hiatus" should be.)
I care enough to tell you about the aforementioned "hiati."
I end letters weird.
- thank you for being you
- peace of mind over everything
13 of Nazareth
(if you plan to use the number please text me first to introduce yourself because I do not answer unfamiliar/blocked numbers under any circumstances whatsoever)
|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on October 13, 2010 at 10:13 AM||comments (1)|
welcome to the latest edition of Nazareth News, the breif informative newsletter of speech-hop artist 13 of Nazareth...although today will not be so brief
16 years, 3 days, 4 hours, 43 minutes & 10...11...12...13 seconds ago
On October 10, 1994 at 5:30am I collapsed onto my bedroom floor only to awaken several hours later in the emergency room to the sound of my own heartbeat being monitored. I had an oxygen mask over my face, an IV in my arm, and was surrounded by family members who seemed surprised that I was alive. I soon learned that I had a seizure and within several weeks I became familiar with terms like EEG, MRI, and Epilepsy. The latter being my diagnosis and quickly that diagnosis became a kind of run-on death sentence that would not end. I sank into depression and gained 60lbs in the remaining 8 months of my high school senior year. I spent the following two year getting kicked out of college in 3 months and adding phrases and phases of my life to that run-on death sentence.
By September 13, 1996 I had lost all the weight...unintentionally...and sat dumbfounded attempting to wrap my mind around the private celebration of my 20th birthday and the public mourning of Tupac Shakur who was just 5 years older than me. During and before my diagnosis Pac was my voice; he communicated in no uncertain terms all of the contradictory frustrations and beauties of being a young black male in America. His death/My celebration left me mute as I watched an except from an MTV interview wherein Pac said, "I may not change the world, but I will spark the brain that changes the world." and I felt like he was talking to me personally.
In the 14 years since I have worked to fulfill that "obligation" to change the world. The last decade has been spent being a spoken word artist and traveling the world to a degree more than most people I've known and know but less than I'd like to...and both can be attributed to me having epilepsy. Having seizures cost me a job and prevented me from seeking new employment throughout 2001. In attempts to busy myself after the release of Complex Simplicity with my partner in rhyme godchild the omen, I hit the road to do what I love primarily because having no college education it was the only work I could pursue and control my own schedule. However the seizures also inhibited my travel...causing me to miss shows or have to turn them down because of my required sleep regimen lest I wake up in an unfamiliar city in the emergency room (which has happened on several occasions) I was taking various medication but none of them stopped the seizures.
In 2007, almost 13 years to the day of my first seizure a neurologist told me that none off my EEGs were showing that I had epilepsy and that it was basically all in my head, he suggesting that I see a psychiatrist and/or psychologist instead of neurologists who in his opinion would not be able to help me. He also took me off of all medications because they were neither stopping nor decreasing the frequency of my seizures. It was as heartbreaking a moment for me as the original diagnosis in that I realized that I had identified myself as "epileptic" defined my life by that term and even named my first solo project (Fallout Shelter) based on it. I sat in the doctor's office an cried trying to figure out where to go from there. What would I do with this new freedom? I continued to travel, continued to have seizures and refused to see a neurologist until 2 months ago....
Dr. Jonathan Bresner who of all the neurologists I've seen in 16 years comes across as the most compassionate and most concerned with me a person not just a patient...although that may just be because he's the first one I've seen and had medical insurance to cover the cost. I also think he recognized me from being on stage in the area because he said I looked familiar on my first visit. I still haven't mentioned being a spoken word artist but think I will share this email with him because by my third visit to his office, he prescribed a medicine that I'd never taken before called Keppra and I thought I'd taken them all. He also informed me that the reason previous doctors could not see any signs off epilepsy in my previous test is because seizure activity is like a short circuit and is usually localized to one area of the brain but my activity in generalized so it happens throughout my whole brain which make the spikes in activity appear "normal." Well I have been taking the Keppra for about a month now and I have had absolutely no signs of a seizures...and I mean none.
As it turns out Keppra is also the name of the Ancient Khemetic (Egyptian) god of transformation. I only bring this up because I feel transformed on every level, as though for the first time in my life I can fully pursue my dreams without restraint or worry, as though I can actually fulfill my obligation to be the brain that changes the world
IF YOU WANT TO...
be a member of my website visit http://13ofnazareth.webs.com/
follow me on twitter @13ofnazareth or http://twitter.com/13ofnazareth
join my mailing list visit http://reverbnation.com/13ofnazareth
subscribe to my blog visit http://13ofnazareth.wordpress.com/
be a friend on facebook visit http://facebook.com/13ofnazareth
be a fan on facebook visit http://facebook.com/13fans
download one of my CDs visit http:/13ofnazareth.bandcamp.com
email/instant message me on Yahoo: thirteen_nazareth
email/instant message me on Gmail: 13ofnazareth
instant message me on Blackberry: 326B517E
contact me via text @ 757.559.1366 (please include your name and nickname along with the city and state you live in the first text you send me because I might be there or be visiting there soon and would want to let you know)please use this number for text only as I can't afford to talk to everyone...yet
contact me about a performance use any means that you have and be as detailed as possible
...and to think that 16 years, 3 days, 3 hours, 43 minutes & 10...11...12...13 seconds ago all that you just read was not even possible.
This has been another of edition of Nazareth News and apparently this is another edition of me....I am 13 of Nazareth aka exactly who, when, where, what and how I need to be.
Be a Blessing/Peace Within/I'm Out
13 of Nazareth
PS. If we are friends on Facebook or you are a member of my website you may already be familiar with "My Most Immediate Goal" but if not you can read about it on 13ofnazareth.webs.com
|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on July 31, 2010 at 8:53 AM||comments (1)|
As you may or may not know, I have seizures ( I feel like I have started a post like this before) and I have been having them since I was 18 years old. I have made it a habit to focus on what I gain from having seizures instead of what I lose but I sometime, like now, find myself feeling like a burden to the people who love me. I am sure most of them will tell you that is that farthest thing from the truth and whether or not they are telling the truth, simply saying so is a reflection of the fact that they love me.
For example a little over a month ago I was watching my cousin while my aunt was at work when the warning signs that I would have a seizure struck me. I fell, twisted both knees, and lay on the tile floor in agony while my 9 year old cousin was fast asleep. He knows I have seizures but has never been alone with me during one. I imagined all of the worst possible scenarios if he were to awaken and managed to drag myself to the phone and call my wife (who was 3 hours away but the only phone number I could remember at the time) I had her call my brother of a friend, godchild, who lived down the street from my aunt. I was able to unlock the door and he rushed over.
Sometime after he arrived I had a "grand mal" seizure during which I lost consciousness, shook violently, bit down on my tongue, and urinated on myself. This is typically what happens, its frustrating and a little embarrassing but typical...I woke up several hours later drained from the convulsions, dehydrated, with a headache also from the convulsions, and the pain in my knees which is a new experience for me. I have fallen numerous time but this type of injury has never occurred in conjunction with my seizures. godchild was there, relieved to see me awake and stayed for as long as he could, my wife called to check on me, and my cousin even came to ask if I was okay; I appreciated it all.
The icing on the cake was when my aunt returned from work she was apologizing for leaving me at home alone with my cousin as though she had done something wrong. In that moment I felt like a burden...I mean here I am 33 years old having traveled the world being heralded for my art yet I can't be left alone to care for a 9 year old.
I am not one to use the word "hate" in reference to my condition because I have drawn much inspiration from it over the years, in fact many of the poems that I am known for have come to me in the aftermath of seizures; its just that sometimes I hate the price of that inspiration.
I know this is all over the place but that is reflective of how I feel writing it
|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on May 24, 2010 at 9:50 AM||comments (3)|
The past few weeks have been turbulent for me, but I asked for busy and this has been yet another example proving the statement "ask and ye shall receive." As I said I asked for "busy" and I got all manners of busy, but the only problem is some of that "busy" was somewhat fruitless and time wasting. I say "somewhat fruitless" because it was those fruitless moments that made me realize that often when we ask God/The Universe/Whatever Force You Ask By Whatever Name You Call for things we ask in a vague manner and as such we get vague results.
Its very important to be specific about what we want and why we want it or else we may find ourselves chasing the wind. If you don't understand the concept actually try it; next time you feel the wind blow just run in that direction to see you you can catch it before it disappears or you collapse of exhaustion. Keep in mind that whatever we ask for that we have to give up something in exchange for it because nothing and I mean nothing is free. It may not cost money but you will have to sacrifice time and energy which are two of your most valuable resources. I sacrificed time to get to this reminder of a realization because sometimes we forget what we know and have to retrace some steps while reevaluating our choices and our requests.
When I asked God to help me get busy what I really wanted was an expansion of my artistic career to include workshops, college performances, my monthly venue packed with more audience members than poets, and a greater online presence including more digital sales, and a few more things which I won't go into here but all I asked for was to get busy. And what I got was an increase in the things I was already doing within the circle I was running. Instead of an expansion of the circle I just ran more laps in a shorter time. Sure I got a lot done but the only thing I have to show for it is "getting a lot done".
Therefore it is of the greatest importance that our prayers are accompanied by precise planning and practical actions that match up with our requests or we just end up tired.
OH YEAH AND IF YOU DECIDE TO CHASE THE WIND...PLEASE HAVE SOMEONE VIDEOTAPE, UPLOAD, AND SEND ME THE LINK SO I CAN POST IT HERE.
I am 13 of Nazareth and this has been The Daily Word
---if you are not a registered member of 13ofnazareth.webs.com please click here to join today---
|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on September 11, 2009 at 11:31 AM||comments (4)|
I love to stand in the pouring pain
it camouflages the pouring pain
of my tear ducts
on a night that lightning fear struck
and terrifying thunder clapped
nine one one
my grandmother's heart collapsed
I was 13 then
I was 24 but still 13 now
watching the World Trade Center go down
my heart pounds
my world turns around
eleven years rewound
in a second
my twin towers are falling
one nine nineteen ninety
engulfed my mother's body
in a cancerous flame
the first plane hit
destined to happen
but not expected
on such a beautiful morning
I was driving
arriving at the office
of my spiritual teacher
he meets me at the door
tells me act of war
I was seated
second row 8th grade English
a girl comes to the door
tells me act of war
my father's here to get me
I need to go down to the principal's office
so I'm walking
in two different time periods
talking to myself
never been hit like this before
never had to pick me up before
this is serious
it has to be
some form of catastrophe
these are two of the longest walks I've ever taken
escorted by arch nemesis
the Angel of God and Satan
the hallways are too long
but the doors are in arm's reach
I walk in
sit down beside my father
I can't speak
I walk in
sit down in front of the TV
I can't speak
its almost as if I leaped
into a parallel universe
where parents become buildings
and children become employees
because when my mother and grandmother fell
I was crushed
when the twin towers fell
they were crushed
this is far too much
for me to handle at two times
that feel like one time
my mind is torn at the hemisphere
I can't think clear
there's too much smoke
I can't see clear
there's too much noise
I can't hear
anything but explosions and flatlines
is this 1990
because 4 towers have fallen and
Christ is callin'
Allah is callin'
Buddha is callin'
Shiva is callin'
Krishna is callin'
Osiris is callin'
Yahweh is callin'
Jehovah is callin'
Jah is callin'
nine one one
9 months to be born
so enjoy being alive
because you only get
1 minute to pray and
1 second to die
and I can't cry enough tears
to reconstruct the parents
nine one one
in 1 system
orbiting 1 sun
verse one one
the angel of the bottomless pit
in the Hebrew tongue
Armageddon has already come
we oblivious to the signs
emergency phones rang but
all the fuckin' lines were tied
and even I tried to ignore
this televised revolution
of massacred human being bombed
taking the long leap
from 80 plus stories
bodies smackin the street
knee deep in blood and I
love to stand in the pouring pain
it camouflages the pouring pain
of my tear ducts
as lightning fear struck twice
in the same place
like eleven years to the date
its almost as if my fate
is a microcosmic map
to the fate of the world
which appears to be like
eleven years behind me
so watch me closely
and fuck my poetry
read my life
A Prophet's Pain
the second coming of Christ
see I'm a Virgo
meaning I was born
beneath the sign of the Cosmic Virgin
with a dragon as my steed
I ride at Godspeed
I speak in angel tongues
living in devil's territory
is kingdom come
|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on August 24, 2009 at 1:32 PM||comments (0)|
So I had a gig @ UMBC (University of Maryland Baltimore College) yesterday alongside Komplex, The 5th L, Jonathan "the wryte one" Hopkins and Tracy...I forgot her last name, but she was a dancer.
The show was to encourage minority students as they prepare to enter the grad school journey. Instead of each artist having a set. We streamlined various peices that we have in a manner that was most optimal to motivation. I had a blast.
After the show this sister, Asha, approached me asking about a few of the lines in my poem, Stability in Motion, which reminded her of her son whom she buried recently. She wanted to know if she could quote me in her blog...I, of course, said yes
and here is the link to her blog I am not sure when I will be quoted but even I never am I think you should check it out and support sister Asha's healing process
|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on August 23, 2009 at 11:21 AM||comments (0)|
If you are a friend of mine on Facebook, then you probably already know that I ended up having a seizure yesterday and you probably already know that I am doing much better as well, but for those who don't...
Back in 1994 I was diagnosed with epilepsy I have been having seizures at varied frequency and intensity throughout the years since even though in 2006 I was told that I don't have epilepsy and that my former neurologist doesn't know why I have seizures in addition to being taken of the meds I had been on for over a decade. Apparently they were hurting more than they helped because the meds never stopped the seizures but stuck me with and array of side effects like increased appetite, swollen gums, and life in a constant fog. And yes I am a full time artist; while some might imagine this to be the worst path of choice from a person in my situation. I think this is the best think I could do given my gift/curse ratio. Being an artist provides me greater control of my own schedule which is an extreme blessing for anyone who has seizures.
I however am likely to be among the most hard-headed artist who has seizures because historically I have had episodes, been hospitalized only to check out of the hospital and go straight to my scheduled shows. If you have known of me and seen me perform with regularity for more than a year it is very likely that you have seen me perform after having a seizure.
I do this only when I am fairly certain that I will not have another one later which of course is easier to determine once I've been doped up on Dilatin which is not the case of yesterday's seizure...
I was laying in my bed, typing that I had not been feeling well and when I finished I laid back and the last thing I remember is beginning to convulse violently before losing consciousness, which was new because i normally don't recall anything within five minutes prior to having a grand mal.
It was as if the room was convulsing and I was still. I woke up several hours later with both my head and body aching which is the sign for me to know that I have had a seizure.
As I stated in the beginning though I am fine and I am getting prepared for a performance this afternoon. With that being said I gotta go
13 of Nazareth
if you are interested in reading my story on epilepsy.com click here
|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on August 22, 2009 at 10:15 AM||comments (1)|
As some of you may know, I have seizures. I have been having them since 1994. Today I was gonna delve into some stuff about spiritual development and initiation and so forth but I have been on the verge of having seizures all day long and probably should not even be typing. So I am just going to take some time to rest and maybe I will cover the development tomorrow.
Today my website is one week old and I just want to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to visit and show support. Be easy and I will talk to you all sooner than later. I am going to get some rest. If this is your first time here be sure to sign the guestbook and should you like what you see throughout the site feel free to become a member.
|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on August 21, 2009 at 1:22 PM||comments (0)|
Last night, I had the a somewhat strange dream and I am not quite sure what it means as of yet or if it means anything at all. I decided to share that dream in all its strange hilarity with you all today.
For those who are familiar with me you know that in my years of travel I have taken quite a few trips to Florida. A healthy portion of my spokenword family and fanbase resides throughout the state and one of the cities that I visit at least twice annually is Miami, which happens to be where my dream takes place. Nothing strange or hilarious...yet LOL but here goes.
So I caught a late flight to Miami not quite sure from where but it did appear to be relevant to the dream. Normally when I fly into the Miami area I fly to Fort Lauderdale because its less expensive and less congested than Miami International. However in this dream I fly to Miami; not really strange either I know but here is where is goes askew. Also normally Will Da Real One, who is my brother from another mother and proprietor of the Literary Cafe and Poetry Lounge , picks me up from the airport. However in this dream I exit the airport and hop into the car with none other than...event promoter extraordinaire Ingrid B. In all my journeys to Miami I am not even sure if I have ever seen Ingrid driving but I certainly have never been driven around by her.
Aside from the driving what's strange about this is that Ingrid and I have never been close, not distant just not close. We speak whenever we see each other, she given me some beneficial artist advice a time or two and we've hung out a couple times so I guess we are closer than many but I don't know where she lives don't know any of her family and she and I have never had a conversation over the phone when we were not in the same city. She lives in Miami FL and I live in Alexandria VA so clearly we don't talk often
(sidebar: I am feeling like a bad 13 of Nazareth right now because I usually at the very least just check on my peoples at random periodically to see how they are doing and I just realized I have never done this with Ingrid hmmmmm)
Okay back to the dream...In the car with Ingrid, it is after midnight she offer to take me to grab a bit to eat. I request the same spot I always request for a late night bite, usually after a performance, because I don't like to eat beforehand...Denny's (the Boca burger is the truth). So Denny's it was but that part of the dream was sort of a blur I thus assume its not of great importance to the strangeness, although eating there might be strange to some LOL
Now once we're back in the car, Ingrid says, "Its really late and there is only one person's house that I can take you to at this time of night." I reply, "Who?", all the while thinking she is gonna say Will because again Will is my brother but she joyfully says, "Dee." I am thinking, "Uhhh who the hell is Dee?!", but I am tired and just show me to the air mattress. I am pretty easy going with regard to where I sleep when on the road, a few train stations and airport floors will do that to you.
So we drive over this extremely well lit bridge, looked like it could've been the bridge to Star Island, but in the dream I was sleepy so I am not quite sure. For the record I also would not be surprised if Ingrid had friends who live on Star Island. So the next thing I remember is being at this red door while Ingrid is knocking and a uniquely familiar voice says, "Come in, its open." She opens the door walks in...says, "Hey Dee, this is 13 he gonna be crashing with you tonight or at least for what's left of it." Dee responds, "Come on in 13, the air mattress is waiting for you
I enter and close the door behind me turn to shake Dee's hand and am shocked as hell but trying not to show it when I realize that Dee is none other than Deepak Chopra.
(sidebar: I read a few of his books but the one that stands out to my mind is "How to Know God: The Soul's Journey into the Mystery of Mysteries". I actually need to pull that book out again...no I actually need to get that book back from Big Sllim LOL. From what I recall of the text it was about the journey to having a deeper relationship with God catergorized in seven levels and the physiological responses to those levels in the brain and body.)
I had a seat on the uninflated air mattress and Deepak began talking about something that I didn't hear because I was posting on Facebook and Twitter "I am sitting on the floor at Deepak Chopra's house in Miami with Ingrid B and Anomaly" oh yeah Anomaly was there but before we got a chance to speak I woke up half smiling for reason that i cannot yet explain
Not sure what it means but as with all my dreams it will make sense at some point in the future. At which time i will surely inform you. Thank for coming along for the dream ride
13 of Nazareth
From more info on Ingrid B Deepak Chopra Will Da Real One Anomaly or Big Sllim click on their names. They are all on facebook and I think they are all on twitter... friend them... follow them...then friend and follow me if you aren't already LOL
PS to everybody I talked about in here except Deepak because uhh I don't know him at least not yet let me know if I was out of line. I don't think I was but we are all in the public eye and I don't want to unintentionally tarnish any images like Deepak might actually be Ingrid's friend and feel some kinda way about me putting it on blast. I am just saying.
|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on August 20, 2009 at 8:07 AM||comments (1)|
"Our present knowledge, nevertheless, is sufficient to demonstrate that there exists an unseen side in nature. It is unseen because of the limitations of our senses and not because it does not exist" - from Life's Riddle by Nils A. Amneus
People often operate with the assumption that the only existence is that with which that can verify via their 5 senses but life offers clear indicator that our 5 senses have an extremely limited scope. There are things that we cannot see or hear without the assistance of electronic devices. Internet is a great example; all the things available to you via the world wide web including this site are not accessible without the aid of your computer or mobile phone. A person who knows nothing of either could argue that the Internet does not exist and so forth.
I recommend that you take some time today and reflect on how that which cannot see or touch affects you. Whether it be of a nature beyond our senses like certain vibrations of light and sound or just out of the range due to distance like the atrocities that are occurring throughout the world as you read this.
As you see I am working on the development of the site daily just as promised I am wondering if I should create some sort of archive of the front page post that people can look back to as the site evolves. Thank you for taking the time to visit 13ofnazareth.webs.com.
Please tell a friend, sign the guest book, join the site, visit the gigs page to see my upcoming performance and feel free to contact me at anytime should you have any questions or concerns.
|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on August 19, 2009 at 1:20 PM||comments (0)|
I woke up today wondering about the issues that people are facing and thinking about how many of them are much smaller than they appear.After thinking I posted the following status update on Facebook and several other sites...
"People enter Monday Mourning like the best part of their lives died. Reminder:THIS IS YOUR LIFE, now list 10 reasons to Celebrate Monday."
Several people responded with insightful and even comical list, I realize however that not everyone in able to look at their own lives and seethe joy because degrees of suffering are all they know consciously.This in no way leave's me at wits end for suffering like joy is a spectrum. I, thus, implore those who cannot see joy to hold up their suffering against the spectrum of the globe and see exactly where they fit into the scheme via the following update
"For all those unable to find 10 things worthy of Monday celebration,measure your 10 greatest complaints about today against today's global human suffering. There are people who would find the great alleviation of joy in what you call pain. I am not saying life is without hardship just reiterating that hard days aren't so hard on easy going people;but again THIS IS YOUR LIFE and you are free to suffer through it."
Just as I was typing this I received a message from someone that a friend of theirs was found dead today and it appears to be a suicide. The deceased is not someone I know personally but I do know that if the assumption of suicide is true they apparently were in a place where they could not see enough worth going on for; but this tragedy like all tragedies is an opportunity to find a blessed point of reference in your own life and grab a hold of it for all is not lost...THIS IS YOUR LIFE. You have a choice in the outcome always.
|Posted by 13 of Nazareth on August 13, 2009 at 6:19 PM||comments (0)|
I posted a status about earlier this sense of urgency I have been feeling spiritually to see if I was alone and given the rapid responses its clear that I am not alone. If you inquired I have tagged you on this note.
About 10 years back around the first time I stepped on stage, there was this subtle yet constant feeling that what I was doing was more than just art for the sake of being creative, informative, and/or entertaining. I feel as though I have been writing and performing for purpose greater than myself. If you have been listening to my work I say as much in numerous ways.
I was clear on this greater than self activity from the gate even though I wasn't clear on the specific of its purpose. This however didn't matter to me as I moved based on how I felt about a thing in the moment. As a result I would go to cities with one show booked and no without beyond that and stay for a week or more even ended up "stuck" a few places because I did not have cash to make the return trip. However I never went without food or shelter in these situations and I gained friendships that i treasure to this day. People just welcomed me into their homes like they knew i was coming although many of them were meeting me for the first time. I of course blew this off as the nature of spokenword as a community but later discovered everyone does not get or give this treatment when traveling.
Anyway over the years I have wrestled with balancing purpose and personal economy and if one has to suffer its usually economy although I still have want I need sometimes with absolutely nothing to spare. If you have seen me perform you know I don't do a lot of promo of even a lot of talking during my set beyond the poems. My silence is part introversion part feeling like everything I needed to say was in the work itself.
I am sure this thus far appear to be a rant about my journey as an artist but I promise you its not.
All that I have done artistically has been in hopes of getting people to see God in themselves and each other as well as to remind those who have seen God in themselves and other that they are not alone in such awareness.
This awareness changes who you are are; nothing and I mean nothing is looked upon the same. I watch movies listen to songs and poems searching for their relation to the divine. Some are overt while others are not and some in my opinion in God's voice while other are reflective of a portion of humanity speaking to or asking God for something that they feel will make them and/or the people whom they love better off than they are currently.
An overt example, in my opinion, of dialogue between God and humanity through song is Micheal Jackson's "You Are Not Alone." I know its a "love song" but such boxes are irrelevant at the level which I am speaking where all things are connected one to another.
I was reminded of this purposefulness (if that is a word) upon watching the Knowing. There are scenes in the movie that I have dreams and vision of over 10 years ago things that invoked the urgency to begin with; for you it may do nothing and maybe it isn't supposed to. Every soul has a different trigger. Please understand this is not a Deja Vu experience where I feel like I have been there but can't place it. Nor am I trying to frighten you in to some idea of an impending Armageddon. The world in which we live is changing undergoing a process of spiritual evolution I feel this "urgency" is integral to the process. I feel that in the years to come; we are going to need each other in ways that far exceed you coming to one of my shows and purchasing my CD. If there is something upon your heart that you know you should be doing even though the logic based on you experience is far fetched do it. Even if its just saying hello to a neighbor that you never speak to.
Get into your appointed position (only you know what this is) and hold your ground there are people who you don't know yet that are depending on you being where you are when they arrive in your life. The manner in which they show up probably won't be accompanied by anything miraculous in appearance but when they come you will know them. As for me many of those people are already in my life and if I never got on the mic and subsequently on the road there is no way I could have had the chance to know them because honestly I am shy and prior to writing my first rhyme I had neither the interest to stand in front of crowds nor this feeling of urgency.
As I said in my comment on the status about this I think prayer and meditation are vital but I feel this urgency is a call to action on behalf of us all
I don't have or claim to have the answers for everyone. I believe we are alive at a turning point in the history of our species and the vagueness of all this may create more confusion that help. If this confuses you ignore it forever or at least til it can be helpful.
13 of Nazareth
June 25, 2009